Lots of Love

I've been planning this post for over a month now and now that I finally have all my pictures edited and it's time to write it, I'm at a loss for words.  I'm not quite sure how to sum up how I feel about what took place.  

It started with an email I received from Shear Madness, telling about an event called Locks of Love.  I'm sure you've heard of it before.  

Shear Madness is an awesome salon in Lee's Summit where I take my kids to get their hair cut.  It is geared towards kids and if you haven't checked them out before, I highly encourage you to do so.  Also, Cherisse is an awesome stylist.  ;) 

I nonchalantly mentioned this event to Katie one morning while I was doing her hair.  Putting her long, long hair up in a ponytail.  Like I did every morning.  Such beautiful, long hair, but I was afraid of her getting lice at school so I always put it up.  Again, a rabbit trail.  So while I was doing her hair, I told her about Locks of Love and how Shear Madness was donating hair cuts to anyone who had 10 inches or more of hair they would like to donate to this charity.  She asked what the charity was for.  

 Her tender, little heart just melted when I explained it was for little girls who had lost their hair and the hair that was donated would be made into a "hair prosthesis" for them, to help restore their self esteem and confidence (taken from the Locks of Love website).  I in no way gave indication one way or another whether or not I wanted her to participate in this, but she immediately said, "I want to do it. I want to donate my hair so some little girl can have hair again." 

 Now, keep in mind, she was the little girl who saw Tangled and wanted to grow her hair out like Rapunzel.  And she got it pretty long!  And it was beautiful.  Katie has the kind of hair that girls and women alike are jealous of.  The kind of hair people pay to get.  Silky, smooth, the perfect shade of blond, looks like it's highlighted.  But she didn't even hesitate.  That's what got me the most.  Her selflessness.  I'm tearing up as I'm writing this. You have no idea.  She is such an amazing gift of God to me.  To this world.  The doctor tried to get me to abort her b/c she "might have something wrong with her legs".  I wouldn't abort her but weeks later I begged God to allow me to miscarry.  My mom had just had a horrific accident and suffered brain damage (that thankfully she has healed from), I had a 14 month old and was pregnant with a child that could possibly have something wrong.  I was overwhelmed and didn't think *I* could handle it.  But God in his infinite wisdom saw the bigger picture and I'm so thankful he didn't answer my prayers with a yes.  

I named her Katie b/c I love the name, but her name means "pure" and she embodies that.  She is pure hearted.  Always thinking of others and putting their needs above her own.  

I took her out to do a mini photo shoot before her appointment.  I wanted to capture her one last time with that long, gorgeous, blond hair.  

She was the first appointment for the event.  We were both giddy with excitement!

See?  I told you it was a fun place for kids!  They get to sit in these fun cars!  

She separated Katie's hair into several small ponytails...and then made the first snip! No turning back now.  :) 

THIRTEEN inches!!!

Doesn't she look cute with that little bob?  I know, right?  Yeah...that's not what she got done.  ;)

Katie wanted to be like her mama and chose a pixie cut.  And let me tell you, she totally rocks it!!!  She is lucky and has that face that can pull off any hair style.  Wonder who she gets that from.  ;)

We went out and did another little photo shoot to show off her new hair do.  I've gotten a little better since then at styling it, but she's still pretty darn cute in these pictures.  

Doesn't she just make you smile? 

I don't know if you caught that the title of this post was "Lots of Love" instead of "Locks of Love", but I did that on purpose.  And that's b/c Katie's little heart is full of lots of love.  She loves everyone. If she ever tells you she loves you, and chances are very high that she will, she genuinely means it.  I am humbled and grateful beyond measure to be this little girl's mama.  I think maybe God gave her to me more for her to teach me life lessons rather than for me to teach her.  Yes, she is only 6 and often acts like it, but she is often wise beyond her years.  

My Weight Loss/Fitness Journey

That's me.  At my heaviest.  A whopping 250 pounds or so.  I don't think I paid attention in the end how much I weighed b/c I really didn't want to know.  Granted, I'd just had a baby.  Like, literally, just. had. a. baby.  But still.  That was a lot of weight to gain.  I knew I did not want to continue down that path.  I was miserable.   And now I had three kids.  How was I possibly supposed to keep up with them being this large?  

I was horrified when I got these pictures back and saw myself. I'm the one in the blue and gray.  Not the one holding my newborn.  (I know.  I look a lot like my sister.)  How could I have let this happen?  I had given myself one month after Jack was born and then I was taking my life back.  I couldn't wait to get started.

This was me, one month after having Jack, ready to start losing weight.  At this point, I'd already lost about 20 pounds.   And to think, I was pretty pleased at the time that I could fit into those jeans.  ;)

I did a short 21 day round of Omni drops and dropped 17 pounds.   

Did another round a few months later and lost another 15-20 pounds but I didn't finish out the round so I gained a little of that back.  I managed on my own to lose another 10 pounds or so over the course of the year and then was just floundering.  The drops work great!  For those that can stick to it.  I craved sugar so badly I cheated way too often.  

And then I began to get migraines (not related to the drops).  I went to the doctor and was put on Topomax.  The doctor told me a side effect was loss of appetite.  Um, ok!  Fine by me.  I dropped 13 pounds in 6 weeks.   I quit drinking pop immediately b/c it changed the way it tasted for me.  It tasted so nasty I haven't had a drop since.  It also curbed my sugar cravings.  And while I was happy to see weight falling off, I became so tired and was not myself.  I was simply not getting enough calories to keep up my energy.  I couldn't think.  I could barely lift my arms at the end of the day to shampoo my hair.  But the weight loss made the numbers on the scale go low enough I saw the light at the end of the tunnel.  And I got used to the medication.  The fog lifted.  I started eating again.  

And then my friend, Jill, texted me.  Lit Fitness is doing a 6 week challenge.  You should apply.  I was seeing weight fall off already so I didn't think I needed any help at the moment.  She and I butt heads often about weight loss.  But what could it hurt.  It said lose 20 pounds for free.  I needed to lose 20 pounds and I like free.  I applied to shut her up.  And then I had to answer questions.  Like, why did I want to do this?  What would losing this weight mean to me?  It suddenly wasn't about shutting her up anymore but was about changing my life.  And I wanted it.  I wanted it bad.  

I'd come pretty far already.  But I still have a long ways to go.  Like 50 pounds.  So what WOULD that mean to me?  It would mean I could feel like people aren't staring at me in disgust anymore.  It would mean I don't have to feel bad for the person sitting next to me on an airplane.  Like I could pick up a morsel of food and put it in my mouth without being judged.  It would mean I could play with my kids.  When they want to play around outside, like REALLY play, I can play with them.  I can run around for more than a few seconds and not be puffing and out of breath.  I can fit in the swings at the park.   I can be active WITH them, not just watching from the sidelines.  I don't want to be THAT mom.  You know the one you see.  The fat one sitting on the bleachers yelling at their son or daughter to run faster, hit the ball, make the goal, stick the landing, etc.  I want to be the mom who is out there practicing along side my kids.  Being an example of what fitness is.  To show them that they can accomplish anything they put their mind to.  Andrew and Katie are old enough they'll be able to remember mommy going through this transformation.  And I hope they do.  I'm doing it for them.  For myself.  For Daniel.  But mainly for them.  Do you you what it feels like to have your little ones ask you if you can get skinny so you can play with them?  I do.  It's heartbreaking.  It's embarrassing.  It's hurtful.  It's eye opening.  I want to be around for them.  I want to play with them.  I want to be a part of their lives, not just a bystander.  

I got the call, I was accepted.  

Now, keep in mind, I'm lazy.  I have a low pain tolerance, I am a very picky eater and I'm the queen of excuses.  

I started at the gym, the "blue turf" on a Monday.  It's not your average gym.  We have Cornell, our trainer.  It's Circuit Training.  And it's awesome.  I was so sore after the first 2 days all I could do was cry every time Jack touched me or wanted me to pick him up on the 3rd day.  With Charge (thank you Omnitrition) and keeping my protein up and continuing to move and stretch, I was back in the gym on the 4th day.   The Challenge was to lose 20 pounds in the 6 weeks.  But it was also to learn how to set small goals for myself.  To learn how to eat healthy.   I have never been more focused or committed to anything in my life.  I was quite frustrated to not lose anything the first 2 weeks.  I learned I needed to UP my calories.  WHAT?  How am I supposed to LOSE weight by eating MORE?  But I trusted Coach (a.k.a. Greg) and did what he told me to do.  The next week, I lost 7 pounds.  Eating 1,200 calories a day.  I did not feel like I was starving.  I was enjoying the food I was eating.  In fact, it was FUN trying new things and getting a little creative.  

Then I hit another stall in my weight loss.  And I cried some more.  I hated food.  I was angry.  Frustrated.  Why was this so hard?  I was doing everything I was supposed to be doing?  WHAT?  I need to start eating MORE again?  300-400 MORE calories?  Oh boy.  Yep.  Weight started coming off again.  Because I was working out so much my body needed more calories to burn.  

I was so disappointed at first that I wasn't going to lose the 20 pounds in 6 weeks, but when I saw this side by side, holy cow!  That's quite a difference in just 6 weeks!  

I weighed in at 177 this morning.  That's a 73 pound weight loss in the last 17.5 months and a 13 pound weight loss in the last 5 weeks.  

So, what motivates me?  It finally clicked with me.  This is what I want and I'm not stopping until I get there.  I want to BE healthy.  I want to EAT healthy.  I want to be FIT.  It's a mindset.  Sometimes I don't FEEL like working out.  Sometimes I don't FEEL like running.  But if I skip once, it's easy to skip a second time.  And I can't let that happen.  I like the way I feel eating this way and treating my body better.  My mind is clearer, I'm excited about life again and I'm happy.  Andrew declared me 90-95% fun.  lol  

Remember when I said I'm lazy?  I'm a picky eater?  I have a low pain tolerance?  And I'm the queen of excuses? If I am those things, then NO ONE has an excuse.  No. One.  Because I overcame those things.   And you can too.  You can be an Overcomer!  NO MORE EXCUSES!!!  

"There are plenty of difficult obstacles in your path.  Don't allow yourself to become one of them." 

Ralph Marston

Valentines

Valentine's Day, yeah, I'm not a big fan.  Or, I should say, I wasn't.  I might've had my mind changed.  You see, as most women, I entered my marriage with big, romantic ideas (thank you Hollywood) of what Valentine's Day, and really, all other holidays, should look like.  Only, they never ended up looking like that.  They ended up looking like every other day of the week.  Daniel going to work (don't you love shift work?!) and me staying home by myself feeling sorry for myself, with each passing year adding on another layer of bitterness.  Well, enough of that.  Who needs romanticism in holidays.  Let it be for the kids!  Right?  Well that kind of gets old too.  I'm tired of the commercialism and spending so much money and seeing who can outdo who on their craftiness and come up with the best Valentine or the best Easter Basket, or the sparkliest (is that a word) "Kiss me, I'm Irish" T-shirt.  Blah.  Just blah.  Give me Christmas and I'm over all the other holidays.

February 7th I get a phone call saying the school Valentines Party will be on the 13th since there was to be no school on the 14th.  Oh yeah.  I guess it's time to get started on getting those Valentines made up.  Andrew was easy.  Iron Man for the boys.  Leftover Princess ones for the girls.  Do your kids do that?  Give boy ones to boys and girl ones to girls?  Mine do.  I don't know why.  They've always wanted to.  I love it.  They like to think for themselves.  I mean, I like Iron Man and all, but what little girl would want an Iron Man Valentine from a boy when she could get a Rapunzel Valentine from him with a pencil?
And then there's Katie.  Katie is not so easily pleased.  She did not want to settle for any of the "left over" Valentines that I feel is slowly taking over a small portion of the basement.  No, not Katie.  She is my crafty one.  She wanted to make her Valentines.  So what did I do?  I introduced her to Pinterest of course.  I handed her my iPad, created a Valentine board, showed her how to pin, and said "Have at, baby girl! Pin the ones you like and we'll look over them when I get out of the shower." And that's exactly what she did.   She chose ones she wanted to do for the girls and ones she wanted to do for the boys.

These, obviously are the ones for the girls.  I glued the pink paper on, cut the hole for the eye and glued the eye on.  That's it.  She did the rest.  Pretty impressive for a 6 year old!

 I love how she drew each monster specific for the girl she was giving it to.  Not a "one size fits all".

And for the boys...what a cute idea!

February 13, 2014, Andrew and Katie were laying in my bed for a few minutes of snuggle time before bed and Andrew asks if I want tomorrow to be fun and special.  I say, "Not really".  Katie bursts into tears and then lectures me about how holidays are meant to be celebrated, especially this one b/c it's about love.  And we love each other.  And Jesus is love.  So we should show each other how we love each other.  Why wouldn't I want to celebrate a holiday like that?  It nearly broke her little heart.  I didn't have any grand plans other than to give them a chocolate bar (and I realize now I never gave it to them and I actually don't remember where I put them), but I did try to do something special with them on Valentine's Day to show them that I love them.  I do not like or enjoy doing crafts with kids, but I pulled out the craft tub, including the glitter, and we spent the morning making each other Valentines.  My kids treasure notes so I put special thought into what I wrote to them.

I still don't like the commercialism that surrounds the holidays but I realized this year that that doesn't mean I need to be so cynical about it.  I can still love and be loved.  It doesn't have to be about buying.  I didn't buy a darn thing really.  I simply sat around the table with my kids making our own Valentines.  It was the memory.  I'll remember the night before, snuggling in my bed talking about what makes Valentine's Day so special.  I'll remember this being the first year Katie wanted to make her own Valentines.  I'm sure it definitely won't be the last, and from now on, I'll be better prepared (as in, will start more than a few days before the party).

Even Daniel pulled through this year which I totally wasn't expecting.  He bought me a new belt to hold up my pants (he's been paying attention!) ;) and another month at the gym I've been going to.  I wasn't quite ready to leave yet.

It's funny how I think I'm supposed to be teaching my kids about this thing called life when they're often the ones teaching me.  Love.  "It's all about love, Mom."