My Invisible Illness

Fibromyalgia.  This is a word that is becoming increasingly more common in our society today.  But in spite of the growing numbers of people this "disease" is affecting, a lot of people still haven't heard of it, or if they have, do not know what is really is.  So, if you care to read further, I'm going to educate you.  Why?  Because you might see me limping around in the hall ways at church, or might notice me missing from an event and wonder why, or, you might wonder why I don't want you to touch me, shake my hand, or give me a hug. 
Researchers still don't know exactly what causes people to get Fibromyalgia, although they have a few theories.  This, is one of them. "Current thinking centers around a theory called central sensitization. This theory states that people with Fibromyalgia have a lower threshold for pain because of increased sensitivity in the brain to pain signals.
Researchers believe repeated nerve stimulation causes the brains of people with Fibromyalgia to change. This change involves an abnormal increase in levels of certain chemicals in the brain that signal pain (neurotransmitters). In addition, the brain's pain receptors seem to develop a sort of memory of the pain and become more sensitive, meaning they can overreact to pain signals." (taken from Mayo Clinics website)
Some of the symptoms of Fibromyalgia are joint pain, muscle pain, muscle tenseness (imagine not being able to relax your muscles), restless sleep or insomnia, which, only aggravates the symptoms even more. 
I've had some symptoms for awhile now but I was in denial.  The pain in my knees?  Maybe I just need to lose some weight.  But then my elbows starting hurting.  The pain at night was terrible!  Then the sleeplessness came.  It took forever to fall asleep.  Then I would wake up around 3:00 or 4:00 in the morning and not be able to fall asleep again until 6:00.  Several people suggested I might have this (Fibromyalgia).  It is thought to be hereditary and seeing as how both of my parents suffer from it, I had a pretty darn good chance of getting it myself.  I got angry.  I became depressed.  I have two little kids!  I'm too young to have to live with this!  I grieved.  Oh how I grieved and pleaded!  I begged God to not do this to me!  I already have such a low pain tolerance!  And now He's going to inflict me with this?  But then the miracle happened.  One night at choir practice, we were asked to share our burdens with the others so they might pray for us.  I bawled as I shared with a couple women the mental struggle I was going through in facing the possibility of having Fibromyalgia.  They prayed for me.  Rehearsal started and we had such an amazing night of worship!  When it was over however, I barely made it to the car before the torrential flood of tears came.  My body was in so much pain.  Then I turned on the radio to K LOVE and caught the chorus of "Jesus Bring the Rain" by Mercy Me. 
Bring me joy, bring me peace
Bring the chance to be free
Bring me anything that brings You glory
And I know there'll be days
When this life brings me pain
But if that's what it takes to praise You
Jesus, bring the rain


Then the beginning of the second verse...


I am Yours regardless of
The dark clouds that may loom above
Because You are much greater than my pain


Wow.  Sometimes, we don't understand why God allows us to go through some of the trials and tribulations he brings our way other than knowing that it will make us stronger.  But, I believe that on that night, he gave me a glimpse of the bigger picture.  A few of my friends that have Fibromyalgia have told me they have to rely daily on God's grace.  Yeah, yeah.  Whatever.  But then I got it!  God only wanted me to lean on Him.  To allow Him to carry me through each day, thus, getting the glory.  The tears of pain turned into tears of gratefulness and praise.  My prayer changed from "God, please don't do this to me!" into "Bring it on, God!  If me living in pain is what will bring me closer to you and will bring you glory, then I accept this affliction with a grateful heart!"  For the next two weeks, I felt no pain.  The depression was gone, my spirit was joyful and I felt such a peace!  I wondered if I had been healed, if it was all just a test, but I kept the appointment that had been made with the rheumatologist, just in case.  A week before that appointment, the pain came back in full force.  I saw the rheumatologist and he gave me the diagnosis; I had Fibromyalgia.  Hearing it said officially normally would've devastated me, but I received the news calmly.  After all, I already knew I had it, it was just a matter of getting an official diagnosis so I could begin treating it.  The day I received the diagnosis, the pain became severe.  By the next day, it was even worse.  I was limping around as though I had two sprained ankles.  Each step I took sent stabbing pains up into my shins.  On the outside, I look normal, healthy.  But on the inside, every joint hurts.  Every muscle tensed to the max.  It effects even my skin!  Some days, my skin is so sensitive, I can't even let my kids sit on my lap or receive a hug from my husband b/c it is just too excruciating.  Ever seen that commercial about Fibromyalgia where the woman says, "Some days, I just want a hug but I know it will hurt."?  I used to think, "How awful that must feel!".  Now I know what it feels like.  And it stinks.   But I still have so much to be thankful for.  I'm thankful I don't have an illness that is more visible on the outside.  Like arthritis or cancer.  Or being crippled or paralyzed.  I know in this life, I'll have pain, but I serve someone who is greater than that pain and who is holding me in his almighty hand every single day. 

A Conversation With Andrew

Normally, my blogs are full of pictures, but for this one, I want to share a conversation I had with my son.  Keep in mind he is only 5 years old. 

I was in the bathroom doing my makeup and Andrew was in his room playing.  He hollered in that he was calling me and I needed to answer my phone.  So I "answered" my phone. To make it easier to keep track of who was saying what, I put my words in pink and Andrew's in blue.

Hello?
Hi, Mom, its me!
Hi, Andrew!  It's so good to hear from you!  What have you been up to? (My mind is already flashing forward 13 years thinking this is how a conversation would start when he is gone to college)
Guess what! I have a surprise for you!
You do?  What is it?
I'm going to ask my girlfriend to marry me!  (What in the world!  He is FIVE!  Where is he coming up with this?!)
Oh wow!  That's so exciting!  Now what is her name again? (haha!  Hopefully this will NOT happen in real life!)
MJ. (Ah!  Now I know where he is coming up with this stuff.  His beloved Spiderman/Peter Parker)  I'm going to ask her at the pizza party tonight.  Are you going to come to the party?
I will definitely be there!
We're going to have the slide set up (he's talking about the inflatable slide that is at my parent's church) and we're going to go down it together.  It even touches the ceiling!  Are you going to go down the slide?  I hope you won't be afraid.
I'll go down if you'll go down with me.  Will you slide with me?
Well, first I'm going to slide down with MJ, then I'll slide down with you, then we can all slide down together.  Won't that be fun?!
That WILL be fun!  I can't wait!  So tell me about MJ.  Does she love Jesus? 
Yes.
Does she go to church?
Yes, she goes to church with me.  We sit together in class.  But we don't kiss. 
Good!  Because you don't kiss a girl until you get married, right? 
Right.  Mom, did you know that MJ's house is right next to mine and I can just walk across the yard to get to her house?  I don't even have to drive or anything!
Wow!  That IS convenient.
But I don't know if we're going to live at my house or at hers.
Do you live with your parents or by yourself?
By myself.
And does she live with her parents or by herself?
By herself.
Well, which house do you like better?
Hers, b/c she has lots of fun toys to play with.  (LOL  Now there's the 5 year old coming out!)
Well then I would sell your house and move into hers.
Yeah, because she has cool toys for her kids to play with.
SHE HAS KIDS?
No!  She's not married!  I mean after we get married and have kids.
Oh!  Good!
Know what kind of kids we're going to have? I'm going to have 4 boys and 3 girls.
Wow!  That's a lot!
Yep.  And they're going to be good.  They will never ever have to get spankings.  They will even stand in the street and a car will be coming and I'll say "move" and they will run out of the way.
Well, good for them.
Ok, bye mom!
Bye, Andrew.  I love you!
I love you too.

This dialogue had me cracking up on the inside.  I love the way his little mind works.  I hope you've enjoyed a peek into Andrew's brain.  :o)  Thanks for reading!

Playground Fun

I haven't done many photo shoots lately due to the surgery and the fact that it's been winter and not many people want to suffer the cold to get pictures taken.  So, my blog has suffered slightly.  I hope you don't mind that I'm getting back into the blog scene using posts about my children.  I personally think they are adorable and how could you not want to read about them and see pictures of them?  But, I realize others might not agree.  However, since its my blog, I'll blog about what I want.  ;o)
We have finally been having some beautiful weather that begs for us to come outside.  Oh wait, it was my kids begging to go outside.  Andrew is always excited when its not a school day, not b/c he doesn't have to go to school, b/c he's not in school yet!  But b/c the school playground is up for grabs!  So, on a recent, beautiful day, I slapped (not really, they are perfectly capable of putting them on themselves) sunglasses on the kids and off we went for a playground adventure. 
Up first, the tire swing, of course!

The tire swing did not last long.  With so many things to play on, why waste time on any one thing for longer than a few seconds?

I begged them to slow down long enough to snap a picture of them together.

I was able to snap the shutter once before they dashed off to explore.  Next, I settled for individual shots.

My Katie Jo is a little monkey.  She'll climb anything, jump off anything, swing on anything.  I've learned over the years (it sounds like she's so old!  lol  She's only 3, but she's been doing this before she was a year old.) to not panic too much.  She's got great balance so her falls are few and far between.  I love how her glasses are being pushed off.  Teeheehee

Next up, the slides!  Who doesn't love a good slide?!?  Well, I guess it can't be counted a good slide when there are spiders all over it!  I probably killed 20 spiders while we were there, which prompted us to hit up a different park.  But more on that later.

Here is Andrew waiting at the top of the slide for me to kill the spider before he would go down.  lol  I'm not only a mom, I am a HERO! 

I am a sucker for sun rays so whenever I can capture those in a picture, I get a little excited!  :o)

Next up, the swings!  Andrew wanted me to give him an under dog, but I was wearing flip flops and we were in gravel.  Gravel that was wet underneath.  It was after they discovered that it was wet while they were digging in it that we decided to head for the park.  There were no spiders at the park.  At least not that we could see.

The kids love playing in the sand!  Ewww.  I do not, but they were so happy and for once, I didn't care if they got dirty. 

You can only take so many pictures of kids playing on the same things.  I wanted to take something ordinary and try to turn it into a cool picture.  I remembered seeing an empty swing swaying in the wind on some show where a child went missing.  It was an image that has been stamped on my brain, but I didn't want to cheapen it by copying that exact image, but to try to capture an interesting image on my own.  Here are my attempts.

Our play time is nearing an end.  And when I say "our", I totally mean theirs.  Well, I guess it's all in the interpretation.  Playing to me is shooting pictures.  ;o)

What Andrew does, Katie must do also.  If he bends down for a picture, why, it only makes sense that she does it too!

Thanks for joining us in our little playground adventure.  :o)

Today, he turned F-I-V-E!

BRADEN ANDREW BAIN

This is the story of Andrew and how he came to be.  I love details, especially when it comes to my life or the life of my family. So if you care to, follow along and enjoy.  If not, just check out the pictures of this adorable little boy!
January 16, 2006, I woke up to go relieve my very pressed upon bladder.  When I came back to bed, I leaned over to get my pillow off the floor when I hear a pop!  I went rushing to the bathroom...my water broke!  Fast forward a few hours and I'm at the hospital in full blown labor.  I got the epidural, pushed for 30 minutes and the most beautiful baby I'd ever seen was placed in my arms!  He was crying and I just kept saying, "Its OK, baby, its OK!  Mommy's here."  :o)  And so, my love affair began.

Can you imagine looking over to see that little face almost smiling at you?  Wow!  I just melted.  How did I get so lucky?!  Well, my luck quickly faded b/c my 2 days in the hospital were torture!  The nurses told me every single time they came in that he was hungry so I was constantly trying to feed him.  I got next to no sleep at all.  The next night, the nurse who came in was coughing all over my precious newborn.  When I had my husband complain, she came back and said not to worry, she wasn't contagious.  Really?  I don't care!  You're still coughing all over my newborn!  I was so glad to go home.  Especially when I got to dress my baby boy up in my very carefully selected "going home outfit."  However, I don't think I added a pic of that outfit, so you'll have to settle for this precious one of him in his daddy's arms.

These next two are of his first professional pictures.  He looked a lot like Daniel back then.

It didn't take him long at all to have me wrapped around his little finger!  He was a very laid back baby giving me every opportunity to feel confident as a first time mom.  It was bliss!

This is Andrew at almost 1 month old (2 days shy), celebrating his first Valentine's Day. 

Celebrating our first V-Day as parents. 

Andrew at 2 months.  We were living in FL at the time and Andrew and I flew to MO so I could help my mom out after shoulder surgery.  Good thing I did b/c she returned the favor 5 years later.  ;o)

Andrew at 3 months.

My baby's version of a sleep mask.  I came in to check on him and he had done this himself.  Gave me a good laugh.  :o)

Andrew's first visit to the beach - 5 months old.

Andrew's first time to camp!  Daniel and I went as counselors and took Andrew along.  Here we are catching an afternoon nap.

Andrew's first visit to The Picture People.  They captured his personality perfectly!  Whenever he got excited, his fists went straight to his mouth.  I love this picture!

Now what can be cuter than a baby in a bathtub?  I'll tell you what.  A baby that's looking up at you with big, blue eyes!

Andrew at 9 months, being a somewhat willing participant to his mother who was at the time, seeking to achieve some photography skills.  And who better than to practice on than this adorable baby?!

He just makes me smile.  :o)

At 11 months, he loved scooting around on this little car. 

O-N-E

Like Father like Son!  He loves to copy what his dad does.  BTW, this was taken with my cell phone, thus, the poor quality.

He was always a happy little traveler.

One of my faves.  The shirt says it all.  ;o)

His first Halloween to go trick-or-treating.  I just used what I had and he went as a "farmer".  You have to admit, he's got to be the cutest farmer you've ever seen!  ;o)

T-W-O

He loves music, which well he should!  Its in his genes!  All 4 grandparents play instruments, aunts and uncles play instruments, his daddy plays instruments, and me, well, I just hum along while others play.  ;o)  But seriously, Andrew loves music whether it be instruments or singing.  He's got good rhythm and good pitch. I can't wait to see him develop his talents as he grows.  Here, he is 2 1/2 years old.

T-H-R-E-E

I decided it was time to get a big boy haircut.  It was hard for me to watch all those pretty, blonde, silky locks fall away as Aunt Jini gave him a trim.  He instantly went from toddler to big boy!  While I liked the hair cut, I did not like seeing my baby age so quickly with one hair cut!  He was still a handsome little guy though!

3 1/2 years old - one evening Katie was gone so I took Andrew out and had a mini photo shoot with him.  This was about the time I started getting serious about wanting to pursue photography (so forgive all the above pictures).  ;o)  He was the perfect little model.

F-O-U-R

4 1/2 years - one afternoon, I took the kids out "exploring".  A favorite past time of ours.  We found an old train station (now a museum) and some abandoned tracks and took some pics while we were there.  He likes to pose himself sometimes and this was one of his poses. 

F-I-V-E

This is present day.  I am the mother of a five year old.  Oh the memories that have flooded through my mind as I've looked at past pictures.  Its a bit bittersweet watching our little ones grow.  Its sad that they are no longer babies and dependant on us for everything, but exciting b/c they are learning new things everyday, becoming their own person, developing their own personalities, opinions, etc.  This picture is from his actual birthday.  We had his party a few days later, so we just celebrated at home.  Give him ice cream and he doesn't care where he is or who is there.  ;o)

Andrew has chosen his birthday party themes since his 3rd birthday party.  And he plans them out years in advance!  lol  This year's theme was Transformers, and, as you will see in future pictures, pajamas were required to be worn at this party.

He is also very into Iron Man, so he got a few Iron Man things as well.

We had the party at my parent's church where they have inflatables.  Andrew was in birthday party heaven!  I am so lucky to be this little guy's mom.  I hope you've enjoyed this little journey through Andrew's life.  He is sometimes very trying, pushes my patience to the limits and sometimes past it, but for every trying moment, he gives me that many more opportunities to laugh with him, smile at his antics, and love on him. He loves to cuddle, give and recieve kisses and hugs and there is nothing more I could want. 

As a disclaimer, this post was started on his actual birthday which was January 16th.  I only just now got around to finishing it.  Also, I have not always been a photographer, so please do not judge too harshly some of the pictures you see in this post.  :o)